Beauty is in the brain of the beholder

The shower provides an opportunity to ponder, dwell, daydream or zone out as the water drapes your body. Its been a source of epiphanies, revelations and decisions, but most recently its been a place where I find myself questioning the simplicities of life.

For example, how does an object, person, song, etc that you at one time thought you found attractive or beautiful suddenly become unattractive (or vice versa)? How do I find a song I really disliked on a cd to all of a sudden be enjoyable, and on the most played list on my iPod? How do I find someone I thought was attractive to be unattractive all of a sudden?

The only thing I can think of is a changing frame of reference--or a confluence of experiences all of a sudden merging in to one, large representation of that object (smell, song, person). I really disliked avocados until I was an adult, and I believe one evening, at a party at my neighbors' house in Santa Barbara, events, people, smells created this new world where I experienced avocados in a new way. I had tied them to a good time, happy places, and an overall pristine evening. I've loved avocados ever since.

What about people? its so easy to vacillate between indifference, lust, and (dare I say) hate? More commonly, its indifference to lust/intrigue. Just like those dreams about that person in your calculus class that you never really noticed, and you go to class the next day and you have these strange sensation/feelings like you are attracted to them? What is about those dreams that makes us notice or change our feelings?

I found one of my co-workers to be attractive, physically, and then I got to know him and found him to be even more attractive --mentally and emotionally. That, in turn, made me find him even more physically attractive. But how? Why? My eyes still saw the same person--nothing changed physically. But every day I wake up and see him next to me and I get all gushy again, even though he's the same person I met 8 years ago. Consequently, how do you "fall out of attraction" with people? What in the brain changes or manifests itself in a mutant manner when seeing that same person?

My favorite words

I actually do use them in conversation when possible. Although eminent domain is really hard to get into an every day conversation. :-)

• “network participation”
• visceral
• rubric
• valmont
• eminent domain
• diaspora
• bifurcate
• confluence
• mitigate
• enumeration
• proclivity
• latency
• stagnation
  

"Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay.
But now it's time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain, and with it pain, and it's headed my way.
Sometimes I grow so tired, but I know I've got one thing I got to do... "

What Would You Do?

On the plane ride home from LA tonight, I was on one of those commuter (2x2, 15 rows) flights. I had the window seat and a guy sat next to me. I hate/fear flying, so I take a little xanax before the flight and I'm usually fine (even asleep) before takeoff. Well, we had a mechanical issue at caused a delay, and after sleeping the whole time we waited on the tarmac, I woke up as we were just about to take off.

I noticed the jackass next to me abused his personal space and had his right leg all up in my space. He was trying to sleep, and had the typical "I need to sit with my legs far apart cause I got junk" wide sit. I was pretty tired, and this guy just rubbed me the wrong way, so I decided I needed to reclaim some of my space. What to do, what to do.... should I :

• gently nudge his knee and hope he gets the picture?
• pass gas and hope he wakes up and shifts position?
• turn on the light to annoy the crap out of him because he's trying to sleep?

Well, I did all three. He was so passive aggressive, he was taking up the space cause he could, and out of spite. The minute I turned on the light (keep in mind its a small plane, its dark outside and in the cabin, and he's leaning in my general direction) he woke up and moved further into my space.

What a jackass.

"What's that?"
"A dress."
"According to who?"
"Calvin Klein."

Good, Bad and Undecided

GOOD

• CSI, Monk, 30 Rock and House
• order
• rain--lots of it
  
• sense of humor
• the color red
• intelligence
• secret, harmless, unpursued crushes
• clean, warm sheets right out of the dryer
• music
• being part of a team
• a comfy, worn in pair of jeans
• Kona, Tokyo, Munich and Chamonix
  
• manual transmission cars (bonus: the power of shifting from 1st to 2nd gear)
• books, books, books
• anything medical
• other people's babies
• a genuine smile
  
• laughing until it hurts
• sharing something new with someone
• self confidence

BAD

• the color blue
• migraines
• people who click their pens constantly
• Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid
  
• being late
• talking during someone's presentation/speech
• gin (the drink)
• tapioca, pudding, chocolate, flan and cottage cheese
• arrogance
• condescending treatment
• “would you like cheese with that?”
• blocking aisles
• parents who don’t pay attention to their children
• parents who assume others will supervise their children
• kids shoes with wheels
• ants
• smoking
• broken promises
• indecision
• the color blue
• head games
• golf
• gold jewelry
  
• insomnia

UNDECIDED

• cork wedge shoes
• PhD
• hardwood floors
• abstract art
• corned beef
• new car (update 7/29: new car = good)
  

List 2 : Wishes

If I had a magic wand, I would (in no particular order):

1. go to go to medical school
2. learn German, Japanese and Spanish
   
3. be more cognizant of what I say
4. buy my parents a house
5. be more disciplined about exercise and paying bills
6. learn to be more fashionable and stylish
7. balance my impulsiveness and overly cautious tendencies
8. relax
9. focus more on myself than pleasing others

"it's a p2p servant model"

List #1 : Fears

I have a few, I guess

1. Flying
2. Death
3. Speaking to small (2 or more people) groups or one on one
4. Being alone in life
5. Childbirth
6. Not being accepted by peers
7. the unknown
8. failing

"No magic tonight..."

Cut from the same cloth...but on the bias

I'm a female that has always been surrounded by males. Growing up, I was the biggest tomboy (and I still have a strong tomboy streak) and loved to hang out with my friends, all guys, in the neighborhood. Instead of dolls, tea parties and braiding my friend's hair, I was playing soccer, GI Joe and anything that had to do with dirt or mud. I felt comfortable. I felt like I belonged.

Jump ahead to high school. My peer group consisted of girls and guys, but my closest friends were guys--including my best friend. He and I are still very close, talking 1-2 times a week and seeing each other whenever he is here or I head out to Hawaii. The last 20 years has taught me a lot about guys, but by no means do I consider myself any expert. Now, in my mid-thirties, I'm learning ALL men share a certain number of characteristics, no matter how those men play into my life. My observations, for what they are worth....

Men:

• can't make a decision to save their lives
• are wimps when it comes to pain
• don't pick up on subtleties provided by women
  
• secretly want to relinquish control (see point #1)
• want a "dirty" clean girl
• have a soft side, often rivaling that of women

Technically Ignorant

I have a few websites I visit daily...sometimes habitually on a daily basis. Cuteoverload, Flickr, Fark, and TechCrunch, to name a few. I enjoyed TechCrunch's myriad of posts on the technical shortcomings of Google within a month-long time span. Not because I don't like Google, but because I am a believer of being humble, modest and humility sometimes being the great equalizer. Yesterday's post about Walmart illustrated another example of a big company being humbled when they launched their new, video download service and failed to do simple QA on browser compatibility. Here is a screenshot from my visit to walmart last night:

Either Walmart has a twisted idea of how to get publicity in an already overly-congested online video market, or they have the WORST QA ever. Are you telling me that no one at Walmart, whether in QA or not, is running Firefox? Come on, Walmart. You may be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even my 10 year old cousin would know to check browser compatibility. Geesh.

Then I read today that Google can't get simple map directions correct. They indicate a 10.4 km trip (that's 6.46 miles for the rest of us that have no frame of reference for kilometers, or any metric unit of measurement for that matter) for a (what should be) very short journey from a hotel to Google's Sydney headquarters--which happens to be across the damn street. Do the math, folks, and keep it simple, stupid.

"It's on the list."